Rhode Island Sea Monster

"Imagine swimming mindlessly in the late afternoon sun when all of a sudden out of nowhere a huge horrifying creature roughly fifteen feet long rocks your world."

The above picture is my rendition of the controversial Rhode Island Sea Monster based on the descriptions featured in this highly important news clip.

For your entertainment

Because so many people have been asking me for Ms. Pacman tips, I created this blog.

SECRET ORIGINS REVEALED!! Volume 2 - Rusty Lover

A lonely stretch of Oklahoma farmland, with one lonely road cutting through the swaths of geometric squares of corn and wheat fields. An old, 30s-style pickup truck labors its way along the thoroughfare. An elderly farmer and his wife ride in silence, their many childless years having robbed them of the capacity for true happiness.

Suddenly, their truck is rattled by an overhead explosion. Wind and dust kick up, and suddenly, a great fireball streaks over the hood of the pickup, crashing into the cornfield adjacent to the road and churning up 100 yards of earth before finally coming to a spectacular rest. The truck screeches to a halt.

From behind the shapeless mass of the meteor’s wreckage, we see the elderly couple picking their way along the meteor’s charred landing swath. The wife suddenly goes wide-eyed, gasping. The father is struck dumb.

We now see, from their perspective, a young boy, no more than 10, with a shock of perfectly coiffed orange hair (almost like a pointed helmet), and the beginnings of an impressive handlebar mustache, clambering out of the wreckage of what looks to be a heart-shaped spacecraft. He is dressed only in purple silk boxer shorts with a heart-shaped pattern on them. He slowly stands upright, slowly puts his hands behind his head, and begins to swivel his hips.

The rest is history.

I did this for my mom's friend

BEBHS

Chunkzilla

"We'll see about that, motherf@%*er"



Chunkzilla caused quite a stir in the cartoon wrestling world the moment he stormed into the BWF offices demanding a Heftyweight title shot, a private bathroom and a tub filled with cookie dough cheesecake. Taken aback by his belligerence and unusual ability to belch fire, BWF management complied without hesitation.

It should come as no surprise that Chunkzilla is a dirty fighter who stop at nothing to gain a victory. In the ill conceived Eskimo Genital Bindings Match of 2008, he scored a highly controversial win by choking Clarence B. Sharpe into unconsciousness using his tail.

Despite his abusive nature and irritating habit of sticking his nose in everyone's business, Chunkzilla has developed a modest but very loyal (and vocal) fanbase known as "Chunk Addicts".

Weight: 520 lbs.

Finishing maneuver: The Low Blow Tokyo Dosie Doe (you have to see it to believe it)

Red or Black?

Horrorthon tee

An angry man needs attention

I hear what you're saying but I don't care what you're saying.

Uh-Oh! He's getting offended!

BREAKING NEWS!!! Limited quantities of Father Ferly's Jesus Juice to be released to bloodthirsty public!

About the Wrestler

Father Ferly forms one half of the BWF tag team The Jesus Express. Along with his partner, the Reverend Jeff Fender, The Jesus Express has been constantly thwarted in their quest for the Tag Team belts, held by their arch-enemies, The Neanderthals. There is, of course, nothing symbolic in this feud whatsoever.

Father Ferly first met the Good Reverend while handing out Shame Pamphlets in a YMCA locker room. After discovering a shared contempt for free thinking, they quickly formed their own ministry. Due to the violent outbursts that would erupt at their public sermons, the pair decided that the squared circle was the ideal venue to showcase their message of faith. Here they could back up their words of peace and blind allegiance with devastating choke-slams. Their trademark phrase “Who Would Jesus Suplex?” remains a consistent best seller of T-shirts and bumper stickers.

Father Ferly is the more enigmatic of the two, preferring to let Reverend Jeff Fender do most of the talking. However, he is never afraid to identify and condemn the many “heathens” in the audience. Despite his age, Ferly is a quick and agile ring technician, capable of forcing opponents twice his size and half his age to beg for mercy.

Age: 66
Hometown: Promised Land, KY

About The Wine

Jesus Juice is the first wine from the BWF vineyards to be offered only in varieties of red. In the words of the winemaker Ferly, “Jesus didn’t have chardonnay running through his veins, you know!” As well as, “I don’t think Our Savior sat at the Last Supper and said, ‘Hey, pass the Pinot Grigio. This is my blood, drink it along with chicken or fish…” Ferly went on, at length, to add…
“Blessed is the nose that can sense the hints of multiple fruits in the Jesus Juice, none of which came from the Tree of Knowledge. Blessed is the wine-drinker that doesn’t think too much about the inherently contradictory aromatics of the Jesus Juice.

"Blessed are the winemakers, for their intelligent design of this choicest of reds did not evolve from anything - it just sprang fully-formed into being, without any prior trial and error. And woe be unto the wine-drinker that misses the full-bodied ascent and finish of the Jesus Juice, for verily he shall burn in Hell with nothing but Bud Light for all eternity.”

All proceeds from the sales of Jesus Juice will go to the Heal The Heathens Foundation, an organization headed by The Jesus Express dedicated to spreading ignorance, intolerance, and unreasonable claims to knowledge.
Sales of this wine are forbidden to scientists, single mothers, homosexuals and minorities.

The Johnny Sweat Shop is open for biddy!

And the best part is: you can do all your Christmas shopping from the comfort of your own couch! Check me out!

Slam Jam 3

Page 6 - Now with extra ball-pain!

Kim's Corner

Hello everybody. Kim here with an update from my living room to your home! I'm happy to report that there has never been a better time than now to stay indoors, curl up on the couch and get comfy! On behalf of the BWF, I'm proud to announce the 24 hour BWF television station! Never again will you have to step outside to find excitement, drama, comedy or entertainment. Relive the BWF's greatest moments with the Morning Crotch Kick at 7:30! If religion's your game, check out the Jesus Express in Heal the Heathens at 10:00! I know what you're thinking - "That's great but what's for dinner?" Learn the latest and greatest recipes and cooking techniques with Big Moe's Big Fat Food Show at noon!

I'd love to tell you more but Rusty's Demons is about to begin and my bowl of ice cream is almost empty. Ta!

Chuckle Box

Click to Make Hefty-Sized!