Troubled BWF superstar Jailbird found himself in prison yet again, this time for an apparant parole violation. Detroit police confiscated a 3 year supply of illegal painkillers. Jailbird claimed that he was set up. Eyewitnesses Slim and Sully refused to comment but were seen snickering outside of the courtroom... In possibly related news, hearthrob and Interstate champion Rusty Lover reported a missing duffel bag that contained "very important private possessions". Anyone with information regarding its whereabouts is asked to please call the BWF office... An innocent book signing by Berserko went horribly wrong yet again at the Elder Nursing Home in San Jose. Fortunately no one was killed this time around but several thousand dollars of damage were reported as well as multiple injuries to the already doomed residents. Berserko later apologized to the traumatized seniors but explained that "the rancid smell of decaying flesh" tends to bring out the worst in him... The highly anticipated matchup between Frank Franklin and Ron Birch ended in a draw, preserving both men's winless records. At first it looked like Franklin would get the win after snaring Birch in a well executed (though tremendously boring)abdominal stretch but Birch managed to hang on for the last 38 minutes...
