Saturday, December 08, 2007

BREAKING NEWS!!! Limited quantities of Father Ferly's Jesus Juice to be released to bloodthirsty public!

About the Wrestler

Father Ferly forms one half of the BWF tag team The Jesus Express. Along with his partner, the Reverend Jeff Fender, The Jesus Express has been constantly thwarted in their quest for the Tag Team belts, held by their arch-enemies, The Neanderthals. There is, of course, nothing symbolic in this feud whatsoever.

Father Ferly first met the Good Reverend while handing out Shame Pamphlets in a YMCA locker room. After discovering a shared contempt for free thinking, they quickly formed their own ministry. Due to the violent outbursts that would erupt at their public sermons, the pair decided that the squared circle was the ideal venue to showcase their message of faith. Here they could back up their words of peace and blind allegiance with devastating choke-slams. Their trademark phrase “Who Would Jesus Suplex?” remains a consistent best seller of T-shirts and bumper stickers.

Father Ferly is the more enigmatic of the two, preferring to let Reverend Jeff Fender do most of the talking. However, he is never afraid to identify and condemn the many “heathens” in the audience. Despite his age, Ferly is a quick and agile ring technician, capable of forcing opponents twice his size and half his age to beg for mercy.

Age: 66
Hometown: Promised Land, KY

About The Wine

Jesus Juice is the first wine from the BWF vineyards to be offered only in varieties of red. In the words of the winemaker Ferly, “Jesus didn’t have chardonnay running through his veins, you know!” As well as, “I don’t think Our Savior sat at the Last Supper and said, ‘Hey, pass the Pinot Grigio. This is my blood, drink it along with chicken or fish…” Ferly went on, at length, to add…
“Blessed is the nose that can sense the hints of multiple fruits in the Jesus Juice, none of which came from the Tree of Knowledge. Blessed is the wine-drinker that doesn’t think too much about the inherently contradictory aromatics of the Jesus Juice.

"Blessed are the winemakers, for their intelligent design of this choicest of reds did not evolve from anything - it just sprang fully-formed into being, without any prior trial and error. And woe be unto the wine-drinker that misses the full-bodied ascent and finish of the Jesus Juice, for verily he shall burn in Hell with nothing but Bud Light for all eternity.”

All proceeds from the sales of Jesus Juice will go to the Heal The Heathens Foundation, an organization headed by The Jesus Express dedicated to spreading ignorance, intolerance, and unreasonable claims to knowledge.
Sales of this wine are forbidden to scientists, single mothers, homosexuals and minorities.

Friday, December 07, 2007

The Johnny Sweat Shop is open for biddy!

And the best part is: you can do all your Christmas shopping from the comfort of your own couch! Check me out!