Friday, December 29, 2006

Why I'll Kill Myself if Pineapple Pete Doesn't Win the Heftyweight Battle Royal

By a fat man, possibly in disguise

Hey folks, Ron Pudding here. I know everything there is to know about this sport. This is both a blessing and a curse. I have my ticket to Poughkeepsie Pandemonium VII but I'm not here to brag about that. But I would like to list 5 reasons why Pineapple Pete is a shoe-in to win the Heftyweight Battle Royal.

1) He reminds me of me. Big guy with a big heart.

2) I've been following his career since the Swansea Mall Slamboree and Car show back in '95.

3) This guy's just great. You need to see him in person to really grasp his size.

4) You just can't beat Pineapple Pete. Not only is it true, but it rhymes which makes it more true.

5) I heard he once ate an entire forest.