Saturday, August 12, 2006

Ham & Cheese

BERNARD "HAM" HAMILTON: First met The Big Cheese in 1987 at Barton's Finishing School For Big Fat Party Animals (BFSFBFPA). Ham's easygoing demeanor meshed well with Big Cheese's outrageous behavior, and an unstoppable tag team was born. Ham & Cheese won the tag team titles from "Naked" Ray Martin and "Dancin" Dan Clark and embarked on a record 5-year title reign. It was cut unexpectedly short by an unfortunate scheduling conflict with a competitive popcorn eating contest.

THE BIG CHEESE: Self-described "one-man Mardi Gras," Cheese has gained a reputation for his legendary consumption levels of pizza, beer and cigarettes, sometimes all in one mouthful. Doctors have repeatedly pleaded with Cheese to cut back a little, warning him that his next quadruple cheese/quadruple meat slice of pizza could be his last. The Big Cheese, mindful of his millions of adoring fans, has been known to repeatedly remark to the doctors, "Yo, Cheese ain't havin' it!!"

While Ham was recuperating from quinteple bypass surgery, the Big Cheese inevitably fell on hard times. Fundamental differences between Cheese and substitute partner Tony "Tossed Salad" Thompson turned them into the laughing stock of the BWF. Fortunately, Bernard saved Cheese from obscurity with his triumphant return (despite grave warnings from a team of doctors).

Combined weight: 984 lbs.
Finishing Maneuver: The Ham & Cheese Sandwich