Friday, January 19, 2007

EXCLUSIVE: Pineapple Pete Does it Again!!! Bulldozer Pissed!

In a staggering turn of events, what can only be described as "an unpredictable, but not really" ambush, jovial fan favorite Pineapple Pete interrupted an in depth interview with Heftyweight Champion Bulldozer and publicly accused him of stuffing his tights with rocks during the Battle Royal weigh-in, in order to increase his mass. Long story short – words were exchanged, and Dozer was taken out in a stretcher after Pineapple assaulted him with a coconut, threw a couch at him and sat on his face for a while.

This is not the first time their deep friendship has erupted in cartoonish violence. Below is a brief timeline of these behemoths' stormy relationship.

1995 – Bulldozer takes up-and-coming Kid Coconut under his wing. He trains and feeds him.

1997 – Kid Coconut outweighs Dozer for the first time at 442 lbs., becomes Pineapple Pete.

1998 – At the first and only Pleasantries in Pawtucket pay-per-view, Pineapple eats Dozer's Krunch Bar prior to the 'Best Friends Forever' contract signing. What later became known as "The Crunch Heard Around the World" ignites a vicious feud that carries them through six continents, culminating in a Portugese Fire Match. Said Dozer of the incident – "He ate more than my Krunch Bar. He ate my faith in mankind."

2001 – The fans forgive Pineapple after a public apology. He sends Bulldozer a box of donuts with hot dogs in the holes as a peace offering. The world breathes a sigh of relief.

2002 – Dozer & Pete become embark on a 6 month long tag-team title reign.

2003 – Pete steals Dozer's winning candy wrapper and cashes it in for 1.2 million. He returns to the BWF as "The Fat Millionaire." Another heated feud is unleashed.

2004- After a 7 hour session at Therapy in Thames III, Dozer and Pete once again set aside their differences and begin their friendship anew. Pineapple ditches the tuxedo.

2005 – Pineapple has the Dozer family over for Thanksgiving dinner.

Bulldozer is reportedly past the denial stage and is officially "extremely pissed off". Hopefully some sort of resolution will occur at the big Heftyweight Battle Royal.