Saturday, June 03, 2006

Rusty Lover

To summarize Rusty Lover's storied career in the space allotted is an impossible task. Rusty serves as both a cautionary tale for the weak minded and beacon of inspiration to the hopelessly addicted. His legendary obsession with sex and narcotics has arguably eclipsed his unforgettable performances in the ring. In the late 80's Rusty seemed destined for greatness. Sadly, a series of poor, alcohol-fueled decisions gave him notoriety for all the wrong reasons.

Rusty's undeniable sex appeal combined with his insatiable desire to be medicated puts his health and career to the test on a daily basis. When focused and relatively sober, Rusty is easily one of the best in the business. Unfortunately his self destruction has thus far prevented him from obtaining any lasting success. Nevertheless he is one of the greatest draws the BWF has to offer. Despite suffering a string of career ending injuries, he continues to amaze the fans and doctors by

Rusty has been arrested in every state (except Michigan for some reason) on charges that include unpaid child support, public intoxication, indecent exposure, and operating a ferris wheel without a license while intoxicated and pretty much naked. He has claimed to be abducted by aliens every February since 1984 and has been known to disappear for weeks
at a time. He is rarely reprimanded for his indiscretions by BWF management due to the endless merchandising revenue generated from the hordes of female fanatics.

Age: 38

Hometown: Odor Creek, OK

Finishing Maneuver: The Hard One (Off the top rope bulldog) In his own
words: "I called it the Hard One because it is. It's a hard move to
pull off and it's damn near impossible to kick out of. It also makes a
subtle reference to "Little Rusty"