So I was talking to Jesus again this morning and He asked Me to tell you – the readers of this blog – that you are all indeed, going to Hell. I did ask for forgiveness on your behalf but the J-Man looked Me right in the eyes and said "Reverend Fender, I appreciate Your concern for these idiots but it's frankly not enough." We then chatted about baseball for a few minutes. After which I asked him if there was anything that you sinful, heathen, butt ugly sons-a-bitches can do to save your pathetic souls. And do you know what He told Me? He said calmly (He always speaks like a true gentleman): "They need to prove their undying faith in Myself and a great way to get started would be to give money to the Reverend Jeff Fender's Heal the Heathens Foundation." Now I shouldn't have to remind you that Heal the Heathens has been saving souls for over 12 years now. This could very well be your last chance so don't say I didn't warn you. Please send a substantial check, I'm thinking somewhere in the range of $500 made out to: Heal the Heathens c/o Jeff Fender, Churchville, Alabammy. And God bless our troops.
